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July 15, 2020 I was given eyes in order to see; I was given hands in order to touch; I was given a mind in order to think; I was given a heart in order to feel; I was given a voice in order to speak. Failing to utilize what I've been given, during whatever amount of time with which I am entrusted, renders me an ungrateful and reprehensible excuse for what a human being should be. In words I first heard many years ago, "I'd rather be punished for what I am, than rewarded for what I am not." July 16, 2020 It is curious but perhaps not surprising that a life characterized and manipulated by fear becomes a nightmare not worth living. It consequently becomes more important every day that one instead take a stand for collectively creating a world that is genuinely life-affirming and characterized by love and wisdom. If humanity ever becomes nothing more than a herd of robotic sheeple, it will be time for it to end. It is our love, our creativity, our collective wisdom, and our compassion which justify our existence. July 17, 2020 I find it quite peculiar, how very many people think they know me better than I know myself, but cannot respond with a description of any depth. A similar perspective prevents me from declaring what is definitively right or wrong for any other person. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Please understand that if you don't have Covid, you can't give it to anyone else--
which makes it a lie to claim that you are protecting others, thereby essentially labeling yourself bad and agreeing that others need to be protected from you. This is not a good mental health practice. On the other hand, it is very important at the present time to know your own health, to pay attention to any and all subtle details your body gives you, and to have a relationship of trust and informed knowledge established with those who are frequently nearby. If you must be around strangers with whom you have no such relationship, for the sake of your own mental health, remember that you are protecting yourself from them-- not protecting them from yourself. If at any point you don't feel quite a hundred percent well, adding a little distance between yourself and others is just common sense. Through all of this, remember that the current circumstances are not permanent and hold onto hope and faith for a better time which will follow. July 18, 2020 One is never required to feel powerless in the face of danger, but doing otherwise may require time and ingenuity-- depending to some extent upon one's previous experience. July 25, 2020 Please remember: you are not bad, just because there are dozens if not hundreds of diseases in the world that do not immediately have symptoms. Being a good person, however, means maintaining good practices, getting regular checkups, and paying attention to the health and strength of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual body--in all of its amazing dimensions of being. Being a good person also involves empowering others to do the same and being sensitive to whatever disabilities or processes of gradual healing their life experiences may include. Collectively, we have the intelligence and ability to do far better than we're currently doing--but it only happens when we actually try. July 26, 2020 I remember telling a professor once after hearing her ideology, "I'm the person who's not supposed to exist--but I do." I'm a little surprised at how many people act like they sincerely wished that were not so. Nonetheless, I was born for a reason and I am more or less stuck here until that purpose is fully satisfied. July 28, 2020 I find it a bit curious that those who cannot see my experience, conclude on that basis that it is somehow not real. Hopefully I can avoid ever doing that to anyone else. Invisible disabilities are real disabilities, but they are only disabilities (rather than conditions) because of the fact that the surrounding population often does not allow anomalous individuals to do things in ways that are individually appropriate. If I am not free to be the "disabled" person that in truth I am, then freedom is nothing more than a myth. Obviously I don't believe that. August 1, 2020 It is not others' applause that keeps me going, but rather the prospect of doing something that actually matters. Don't worry; there will still be plenty left for each of you, when I'm finally gone. I do feel a little exasperated, however, when those who have contributed nothing, still expect me to do more than my current available resources will allow. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Concerns for national security and first-amendment rights are, in truth, inseparable. If one hasn't found the solution that satisfies both, then one still hasn't found the best solution. There are ways of doing both at the same time, but they may require more honesty and ingenuity than is generally practiced at the current time. August 3, 2020 I wonder sometimes if certain individuals are "rabble rousers," simply to avoid dealing with a particular personal issue. During times when I have tried to have conversation with them, the frequency and abruptness with which they change the subject, rivals the movements of a trapeze artist. August 4, 2020 There are dozens, perhaps hundreds, and maybe even thousands of incurable and very serious diseases which do not immediately have any symptoms. On one hand, they affect less than 1% of the population--so hysteria is unwarranted. On the other hand, if one is within that 1%, wisdom and compassion are the only intelligent responses. August 7, 2020 I did a brief reading tonight using The Tarot of Sister Who and was quite impressed with how powerful and accurate it was. It seems life is still very much concerned with the growth of one's soul--including mine. August 11, 2020 From one perspective, the cost of not using "common sense" has rarely been higher. From another, no single tool is a panacea, because each thing works differently for different people. The real challenge, therefore, is people who aren't trying, in whatever way they individually can. I suggest starting with educating one's self about one's self, about any people who are nearby, and about diverse methods which are available. Lots of disabilities are invisible also, so keep that in mind when trying to interpret others. August 12, 2020 On one hand, I want businesses that have proven themselves to be predominantly good (I understand that there are a few) by being composed of individuals who are empowered and motivated to be genuinely good, to endure. Conversely, I know that impermanence is one of the most pervasive qualities within any and every experience of time. It is not that we should not mourn the passing of something good--although the experience of loss is absolutely real--but rather to give thanks that one was allowed to be present during the many or few days of its life and to honor that memory by taking all that one has learned and applying it to whatever follows--and allowing something different to follow. If, for example, one is given twenty years--but only twenty years--to live on Earth, with whom and within what context would one choose to spend that time? If one's time within a particular context is ending, become someone who embraces and nurtures whatever follows; helping it to be the very best that it can be, by contributing all that one has learned within previous contexts. By traversing each step wisely, one becomes bigger, wiser, stronger, and greater than one has ever previously been. August 15, 2020 Thankfully, today's threats have just as much of a chance of not happening, as they do of coming to pass. A 50% chance of dreams coming true, may be more than enough. Only time will tell. August 17, 2020 The only political statement I personally have to make, is that "politics as usual" will not effectively address current challenges. Something more is needed and it may ultimately depend upon you, me, and everyone working together with unprecedented solidarity. August 19, 2020 Sometimes I think things are getting better; sometimes I know they're not. I never know when I get up in the morning, which it will be. I just have to be sure it's not worse due to my negligence or laziness. August 20, 2020 I suppose I should not be surprised by now, at the variety of ways that I am requested to be known and quantifiable, instead of always disappointing expectations. Integrity and authenticity remain among my primary values, however, and presenting myself as anything less would be no more than a caricature of my authentic self--which is yet another way that challenging entities are trivialized. Genuinely spiritual service to life, however, means being willing to embrace and grapple with questions and realities beyond comprehension--some of which will never be acceptable to what I often term, "The Happiness Cult." Within Sister Who's face are representations of both the comedy and tragedy of life; without either one, the work becomes incomplete and unbalanced. What the work fails to accomplish in popularity, however, is more than worth the truth which remains central to who and what I am. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If we all work together, we will each have more than only our own wisdom and resources, with which to respond to challenges. August 22, 2020 I have often lamented that the US has become a nation of mercenaries and prostitutes--”sheeple” who will not do anything until they have first been paid.  Only recently did it also occur to me that such an attitude is devoid of bravery and is instead characterized by cowardice--in the sense of being unwilling to stand for anything or defend any principles whatsoever and to instead do whatever one is paid to do.  All that matters is the payment, but as Sister Who has often observed, “When money becomes the measure, community [inclulding its constitutive individuals] always suffers.”  September 2, 2020 Perhaps the biggest challenge is recognizing when one has outgrown a particular relationship and resisting the temptation to demonize any and all experiences one had along the way. My choices led me into new frontiers and vast undiscovered landscapes--allowing my spirit to become larger. Their choices led in the opposite direction. If my choices are to be respected, so should theirs--no matter how limiting, small, and sad their choices may be. There is an important distinction between the rejection that follows greater expertise than a particular opportunity is able to embrace, and the lack of inclusion that discerns when one's presentation has not yet attained adequate depth. Both, however, invite expansive growth. Whether or not one embraces the growth, distinguishes being truly alive from dying within mere embodiment of others' expectations. September 11, 2020 I think what bothers me most about being human, is the extent to which I am vicimized by others’ lies.  It seems I am endlessly trying to restart or rebuild my life, simply because people in authority have lied to me and manipulated circumstances toward enslavement rather than freedom.  I am usually the first to take responsibility for my actions, but the unfortunate lingering reality--as I’ve been saying for literally decades--is that the world is still a shared space.  Time and time again, I would not have made the choices I did, if certain individuals had not provided the lies that they did.  I still believe in truth and consequently still believe that cheating, lying, and fraud should be appropriately punished, so that fraudulent actions decrease and negative effects are terminated, rather than allowed to echo into eternity.  Is it always possible to transform a bad experience into a good one?  I think one must always try, but equally accept that one will not always be successful.  Either way, I persist in my belief that good deeds have earned a reward and bad deeds have earned an appropriate punishment.  If one wishes to move a particular component from one category to the other, a thorough explanation will be required.  No matter how long it takes, this is the sort of world I believe in helping to build.  September 14, 2020 On one hand, I respect the accusation that "ministers are always talking about money" and strive to never do so. On the other hand, over thirty-five-hundred people have subscribed to my YouTube channel and if each one sent only $1 each month, my income would more than triple, innumerable production challenges would be immediately solved, and countless financial problems would be obliterated--and I would never have to talk about money. Specifically because they do not, among my challenges is poverty and I continue to insist that the epitaph on my tombstone should be, "I would have done so much more, if I hadn't spent so much time just fighting for survival." So I continue to insist that being a citizen of the world is a matter of remaining actively concerned that everyone have enough. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I find it odd to participate in enabling parasitic relationships, but common social courtesy insists that those who are so described must figure it out for themselves, rather than being told. Considering the abundance of narcissistic and parasitic relationships, this feels like contributing to the dysfunctionality of the world, but refusing to participate in this abundance can create enormous societal isolation--which is equally as counterproductive. When I attempt to set a better example, no one seems to listen, yet I cannot in good conscience emulate or enable parasitic and narcissistic behavior. Ultimately it seems to be a question of how much I can tolerate participating in dysfunctional relationships, because nothing else seems to be available. If I say anything, however, I find myself once again marginalized and isolated. Nonetheless, the ideal of symbiotic relationships seems almost universally foundational and its absence the cause of much of the world's dysfunctionality. It's a conundrum I'm not sure how to solve. September 15, 2020 Waiting for the world to become a nice place without doing anything to encourage societal evolution in that direction, pretty much ensures that the wait will be an extremely long one. The corresponding truth is that our physical lives do not make an infinite amount of time into an experiential reality. One little step each day, however, brings one closer to the goal. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I've read in a number of places that sleep difficulties are a common experience for people who are autistic, so it is not surprising that my life has an over-abundance of nightmares. I am nonetheless unsure of what to do, however, when they happen--since there is no family or community to surround me with love until I can breathe normally and trust the possibility of good sleep again. So I just tell myself that in one form or another, life goes on. It is little consolation that an actual test of autistic brains, found that they are 40% more active than the average experience of their neurotypical counterparts--although this might begin to explain being frequently overwhelmed and exhausted. September 19, 2020 It is a very real concern, to ask whether it is even possible for me to live within your world or for you to live within mine, if each of us has not also done whatever is necessary for this to happen with integrity. It may even be that I do this for others, but do not receive the same courtesy. As Gandhi remarked, however, "'An eye for an eye,' leaves the whole world blind." I create space for others within my life, not because they have created space for me, but rather because of who I am. That for which I do not create space, however, are any and all of the lies they may (or may not) tell. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I wonder sometimes if the principle problem of my life is that I have spent way too much time in survival mode due to not having enough and trying (often unsuccessfully) to deal with human stupidity. The alternative of not doing so, however, seems to involve either doing without (I think that could last for about five minutes) or compromising integrity (something most other people seem to do without hesitation). I suppose the primary problem with being autistic, is being unable to just ignore details that most others seem to answer with psychological denial. November 14, 2020 That the current time is one of transition seems fairly obvious, but all efforts to discern toward what one is evolving are incredibly difficult to discern.  The ebb and flow of neurological symptoms is quite worrisome--all the more because I seem to be facing this challenge almost entirely alone--but in one form or another, life goes on and it is always important to show up and demonstrate what sort of person one is.  True communication seems to be dwindling--in person, by telephone, and via the Internet--and this does not encourage an empowering or inspirational future.  I just have to wait for a response that will indicate what sort of person finds these words, reads them, and understands them to some degree or another.  In spite of all adversity, I must persist in believing in my own life, in wisdom, and in love.  A biblical verse comes to mind, offering encouragement that from a higher perspective, acts of vicimization toward me are not forgotten and everything shall ultimately be made right.  The person is specifically from Saint Paul’s letter to the Galatian church:  “Be not deceived; Godde is not mocked; what one sows, one shall reap.”  May one and all and everything, blessed and loved ever be.